Thursday, March 25, 2010

Much afraid.

What do you do when you have a hard thing to do? Something that you are dreading? Something where you know the outcome could be painful? Could be something like going to the dentist, but I'm not talking about physical pain. I'm talking about emotional pain. Rejection to be specific. I've got to do something hard like that, and I'm not very excited about it. I feel a little bit like Esther. Only the outcome is not nearly so severe. And ultimately she was braver than me, she didn't spend time worrying about it, she prayed, fasted and made a plan. I'm a wimp really. I'm just sitting here letting my stomach flip flop, delaying the inevitable. And maybe some happy results will come from it. I'm just writing this to encourage myself...I don't think it's working really, but it will give you a glimpse at another side of me! I'm not really all that brave and outgoing. I'm naturally introverted. I like spending time alone and I like quiet. But I've learned to be outgoing, I've learned to tell people what I think, I've learned to flourish in the noise.

And ultimately, at the very base of myself, is the remembrance of being a 12 year girl, asking God to be my father. That's why I know it will be okay. He's never let me down me yet. He's always protected me, always watched over me. He will this time too. And if I can keep my eyes on Him, maybe the rejection won't hurt so bad.

Sheepishly,
Mrs. Taffy

2 comments:

  1. Well, I think you are very brave. If you weren't you pobably wouldn't be able to do all the things you can do now!
    Love Zoe

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  2. We all feel that way. Some just hide it better than others. Its like going to the dentist - after you've gone, you can say "It wasn't that bad, why did I fret so much about that!"

    Your mom who totally understands

    P.S. The "word" I had to copy to post this was "ASK ahs" hmmmmmm

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